Elen Kryltsova

https://youtu.be/sMuDxQ0G1N

This is boring, but it will make healing chronic pain easier 💌 Free email series: https://www.elenkryltsova.com/findingyourfeet...

A huge reason healing chronic pain is so exhausting isn't just the physical pain itself… It’s the mental fatigue of feeling like you’re throwing a million things at the wall and just hoping something sticks. You buy the books, you try the exercises, you change your diet, and you monitor every little sensation. But it all feels like guessing. Like going around in circles.

When I was finding my own way out of chronic pain and illness, I had to stumble through the dark and figure it out the hard way. But I wandered around long enough that I finally stumbled onto what actually worked. A framework, a guide, a map that helped me know if I was headed in the right direction. Now, as a counsellor, I take my clients through the same process so they don’t have to wander blindly.

Is this the only way? Absolutely not. But it is ONE way, and having a plan makes this journey infinitely faster and easier than trying to wing it.

The Prerequisites: Rule Out to Rule In
Before we can even talk about starting this journey, we have to make sure this is even the right path for you.

If you haven’t ruled out structural issues or acute medical problems, then that is your very first task. This is like the travel pass you need to get on the road.

But this doesn’t take years, or even months. In fact, you’ve likely already done it. This is simply ruling out potential structural causes for your symptoms. This can look different for different symptoms. But this flowchart will give you a good place to start. Click here to download and complete the Rule Out/Rule In Flow Chart

Our safety precautions don’t end here, either. Throughout your entire journey, you need to keep these safety guidelines in mind. When to see a doctor immediately:

Rapid escalation or dramatic changes in your symptoms.
Entirely new symptoms that pop up out of nowhere.
Loss of function: If you are unable to function in daily life (bed-bound, unable to eat, secondary side effects because of symptoms like infections, etc.), medical management has to walk hand-in-hand with your mind-body work. Even though I ended up healing my symptoms through my nervous system, I leaned on Western medicine when I needed to in order to stay physically stable enough to do the work I needed to do with my mind. These are not opposing strategies; they can be complementary.
Keeping these things in mind will ensure that nothing gets missed or overlooked. This is critical for your safety, but it also creates mental peace of mind, so that you can confidently say to yourself—when doubt inevitably creeps in—that YES, I have done my due diligence, and I know what red flags to look out for. If I do not see them, then I will continue on my journey.

And with that, let’s get into the first leg of our adventure.

Step 1: Understand the Mechanics
Once the prerequisites are handled, Step 1 is simple: Understand how pain actually works.

Pain is generated by the brain as a danger signal, not by tissue damage alone. Once pain becomes chronic, the nervous system gets stuck in a hyper-vigilant loop. Crucially, this doesn't just affect your nerves! It can affect every single system in your body. Digestion, immune response, energy levels, muscle tension, etc. The whole system can go haywire when the brain gets stuck in a chronic danger signal.

The cruel irony is that the pain or symptoms become the danger itself, and you get stuck in a loop of stress > pain > stress > pain. But that’s okay, because that’s what we’re breaking in Step 2.

Why is this step of understanding so critical? Because if you don’t understand the mechanics, every flare-up feels like a crisis, every pain is a cause for worry, and every little (or big) symptom needs to be monitored, checked, evaluated, and monitored some more. But when you understand intellectually that your brain is generating false alarms, you can look at a symptom and recognise it for what it is: a misfiring alarm system, not an injury or immediate danger.

Will you still feel scared? Will you still want to monitor and evaluate? Absolutely. There’s a big difference between knowing something intellectually and knowing it in your bones. But that’s what the next step is going to help soothe.

Step 2: Steady the Ship (Nervous System Regulation)
With the mechanics understood, we move to Step 2: Calming the waters.

Allow me to switch metaphors for a moment…

Sometimes it can feel like our mind is a raging ocean in a storm. If we want to get anywhere, we’ve got to stop capsizing.

This is the step that focuses on calming, soothing, regulating. All of those -ing words that people like me talk about.

This is the phase focusing on tools like somatic tracking (learning to observe sensations without fear), gratitude practices, meditation, and nervous system regulation. All the things that tell our brain, “You’re okay. You’re safe. This will pass.”

This is also where we introduce graded exposure to things that we have become fearful of. For a lot of people, this step alone is enough to change everything—this is the core of what mind-body pioneers like Dr. Howard Schubiner talk about and teach with great success. Steadying the ship is about teaching your body that it is safe right now. It’s about building a lifeboat so you aren't drowning in daily panic.

However, a lot of people stop here. This is often where a lot of coaches run out of ideas and say, “Just keep going with the same thing. You just need to get on with life and accept the symptoms. Outlive them.” I think this leaves something very important out. Which brings us to Step 3.

Step 3: Looking Beneath the Churn
Your nervous system didn't decide to freak out and generate chronic pain randomly. It learned to do it for a reason.

Step 3 is about asking the deeper, often uncomfortable questions:

What actually started all of this?
Is there unaddressed trauma or emotional backlog?
Are there ongoing dynamics, relationships, or environments in your life keeping you from feeling safe?
Where do you need to set firmer boundaries?
This is where the real, transformative healing happens. You have to look beneath the churn of daily symptoms to find the root stressors keeping your nervous system on high alert. This will look different for everyone. This is the majority of the work that I do with my clients. And this is where life can change—not just healing the symptoms, but healing many layers of pain that go deeper than the physical body.

This is the step that doesn’t just break the vicious cycle of chronic pain; it ensures that the cycle doesn’t get started again.

Indulge me one last metaphor… This is the step where we are no longer pruning the weeds—we are ripping them out root and stem.

The Non-Linear Reality
You will not move through this in a straight line.

You will constantly shift back and forth between Step 2 (steadying the ship and regulating your nervous system) and Step 3 (looking beneath the churn and processing root causes). Digging into trauma or life stressors might cause temporary flare-ups, which means you have to drop back into Step 2 to soothe your system. Step 2 gives you the stability to step back into Step 3.

That back-and-forth is the journey. Those two states working together are what actually move the ship forward.

The Takeaway
Healing chronic pain can feel like wandering through a forest blindfolded. But it doesn't have to be a guessing game. By ticking off the safety prerequisites, understanding the brain-body mechanics, steadying your nervous system, and bravely looking into the deeper layers of your mind and past, you turn a chaotic guessing game into your own roadmap. A journey that has an end.

It might not be a magical overnight fix, but having a clear plan makes the path infinitely faster, easier, and a whole lot less scary.

You’re not alone in this. I’ve walked this road, and continue to do so in different ways. I hope these essays, emails, and videos give you some good company on the road.

Why Positive Thinking Fails When You Have Chronic Pain 💌 Free email series for healing chronic pain and illness: https://w...

https://youtu.be/6phYwpPvv9o

The Unexpected Habit That Turns Down Chronic Pain 💌 Free email series: https://www.elenkryltsova.com/findingyourfeet...

There is a chronic pain and illness relief tool, sitting in your house right now, that is rarely talked about and completely underrated.

A book.

Reading may be one of the most powerful tools for not just managing, but actually resolving chronic pain. More than meditation, journalling, somatic work and all the other tools people like me yak about endlessly. So let me walk you through WHY and HOW to unlock the power of reading for your body.

Why Reading Outperforms Other Distractions

You may be thinking “yeah, I get it, reading is a form of distraction”. And you’re right, but you’re only halfway there.

Because unlike other forms of distraction like watching TV, playing games, or talking with a friend (all of which are also great and useful distractions), reading is a cut above because it actively engages your imagination. The words on the page do not spoon-feed you the story like a movie or TV show does. They make you engage and generate the story collaboratively. This engages your brain in an entirely different way. In a way that almost no other medium does.

Flow State and Down-Regulating Pain

Reading can put the brain into a flow state. I could write a whole other article and make 10 other videos on the benefits and wonders of flow state.

For now, just know that flow state is a particular state of mind that the brain can only reach in relaxation, and reading is one of the quickest and easiest ways to get us there.

And what does the brain do when it's relaxed? Down-regulate.

Down the pain goes with it. Down go immune responses, inflammation, and all other neuroplastic symptoms.

Replacing the Scrolling Trap

Reading is also a positive habit that replaces a negative habit: scrolling. When you’re sick and in pain, one of the things we long for the most is escape. What better way to zone out of our life than to scroll?

But the effects of scrolling are detrimental for chronic pain. Studies have shown how it messes with our stress response and ability to focus and engage in critical thinking. I recently read an article about how your heart rate actually lowers initially when you start scrolling, which explains why it feels relaxing. But then it spikes when we stop. That is part of the reason it feels so hard to pull ourselves away… It's like it feels dangerous to stop. Not to mention all the other detrimental psychological effects of scrolling, but again, that’s a topic for another article.

The Anti-Productivity Rule

So what kind of reading am I talking about? I think reading got caught up in the productivity hustle culture a few years back. It became all about self-help and books that could make us more productive.

The temptation to try and make your reading productive is doubly tempting when you are in pain and looking for answers. Part of the trap of hypervigilance is spending every waking minute looking for answers.

The key to making this work is to NOT look for answers. The kind of reading I'm talking about isn’t based on its outcome or insight. It's not about WHAT you’re reading; it's about how it feels WHILE you’re reading.

So put down Dr. Schubiner's book (for now! I do actually highly recommend his work, but not for this particular use). Put down the medical journal or paper on your condition.

Pick up the trashy YA novel you used to love as a kid, the romance that feels silly, or the sci-fi novel that has nothing to do with the planet we live on. Let yourself be taken to a far-off land, to be someone else with other people.

Interrupting Predictive Processing

This leads me to my final point about why reading is one of the best tools for pain relief: it's a pattern interrupt.

One of the biggest factors that causes the brain to create pain (ie: neuroplastic pain) is something called predictive processing. When the brain thinks it knows what's coming, it will anticipate and produce the reaction it thinks is appropriate. In your case, it's decided to generate pain in anticipation of what it perceives is danger.

The more it does that, the more it feels like it needs to do that. It’s a vicious cycle. But reading interrupts that cycle. It takes us out of our daily routine and makes it hard for our brain to predict.

Even if reading becomes part of our daily routine, the brain is far more interested in the content of our imagination than what we are actually doing with our body. If our mind is somewhere different every time we sit down to read, the brain is not going to have that same anticipatory protective reflex. Especially if we are loving what we are reading!

That’s why it’s so important to choose what you read based on how you feel while you read, rather than the productivity of the book.

Low-Energy Alternatives: Audiobooks and Shared Reading

On a more practical note: when you have chronic pain or illness, that can often come with things that may prevent you from being able to actually read.

I know there were days I was far too exhausted to keep my eyes open and focused for any length of time. Perhaps you have too much muscle tightness or joint pain to hold a book up. Or your brain fog makes it hard to retain the words on the page.

Alternatives:

Let me introduce you to reading's sexy younger cousin: audiobooks. I cannot count the amount of looooong nights that Stephen Fry’s voice, narrating Harry Potter, kept me company and provided much-needed solace.

The benefits are basically the same, so long as you don't multitask (which is the temptation, especially in this modern anti-rest culture). Closing your eyes and letting the images play as the words swim around you… you get all the benefits of distraction, imagination engagement, flow state, and rest.

Shared reading:

Or, if you have a partner or friend with a soothing voice and the willingness to sit with you, they can read a story to you.

During the absolute worst time of my illness, when I had to stay with my parents so they could look after me… when I was practically disabled, couldn't walk more than 30 meters, couldn't bathe myself, couldn't dress myself, couldn't do anything… I asked my dad to read to me. Well, actually, I first asked him to bandage my hands together so I couldn't scratch at my open wounds, then I asked him to read to me (it was a f**cked up time).

It still makes me tear up thinking about it. It was the kindest, most loving thing he could do. To not only be able to think about something else, but to have someone I loved and trusted sit next to me, and hear this story read out loud by a voice I’d known my whole life... that was the most valuable things anyone could do while I was in the depth of illness. It wasn’t meant to heal or cure. Only relieve and comfort.

Which is my final point. I don't mean to say that you can read your way out of pain and illness.

But I do mean to say that the relief it brings is not nothing. When you feel your breathing slow, when your heart soften, when your mind is transported somewhere else... these are all conditions that your mind, brain, nervous system, and body need to come back to health.

You don't need to make healing happen. You Just have to get out of the way long enough to allow it to happen. Reading does just that.

📚

I share deeper breakdowns and reflections like this every week inside my private newsletter. Starting with my favourit series: Finding Your Feet. A series of short daily emails to help you navigate the twists and turns of the chronic pain journey. Join here: https://www.elenkryltsova.com/findingyourfeet

https://youtu.be/mUgYufSXx0Y

Why Do You Feel WORSE After a Breakthrough? | Nervous System Healing 💌 Free email series: https://www.elenkryltsova.com/findingyourfeet...

Why do you feel so crap after a breakthrough?

You’re talking with your counsellor, or maybe a friend, or simply journaling by yourself. And you have this “aha” moment. The tears come, the realisation dawns on you, and you FINALLY emotionally understand why you’ve felt so tense, anxious, depressed, or insecure for so long.

There is a beautiful moment of relief as you allow the feelings you’ve been suppressing to flow. The relief of seeing the belief that held you back, and finally being able to let go of it.

You’d expect to walk away feeling lighter. And maybe you do—for a bit.

But then you start to feel the crash. Your body aches. You’re shockingly tired. You feel shaky. You just want to lie down. Maybe you feel completely numb.

And you’re confused, because you’re thinking:

… "I just did the work."

… …"I just had the moment they all talk about!"

… … … "Why do I feel so s**t now? Did I do it wrong? Have I made things worse? Why don’t I feel better?!"

The answer looks a lot like a pot plant.

When a plant becomes too big for its pot, the roots press hard against the inside. They get tangled, dense, and tight. The plant will survive, but it won’t thrive.

So you do the right thing. You take it out, you give the roots a shake, you get rid of the compacted soil (I’m not a gardener, that’s just what my mum always told me to do), and you transfer it to a bigger, more spacious pot.

The plant is ultimately better for it. But when you move and shake a plant like that, it goes into shock. Literally, plant shock. It requires extra water, extra food, and gentle TLC for a few days just to recover. If it’s cared for, it comes out of that shock, stretches out its roots, and grows stronger than ever.

You are that pot plant.

You’ve just done the magnificent work of bringing long-held beliefs and old traumas to the surface that were keeping your nervous system stuck in this heightened state. You’ve faced it. You’ve realised it’s not true. This particular spell has been broken.

But it’s still a shock. Those old patterns were your small pot. They weren’t bad just cause they were small. In fact, they kept you safe for a time, that’s why you made them. But your roots have grown. Your ambitions and desires have outgrown the beliefs that once helped you survive.

So you let go of the little pot. And the shock sets in. You feel raw, vulnerable, and exhausted.

That is completely okay. You’ve done nothing wrong. You’ve just shaken off the old, compacted soil to make room for beliefs that fit your size, your dreams, and your soul.

For the next few days, you need extra water, extra rest, and a lot of TLC.

And then, naturally, you will feel yourself start to grow, stretch out, and thrive.

🪴

I share deeper breakdowns and reflections like this every week inside my private newsletter. Starting with my favourit series: Finding Your Feet. A series of short daily emails to help you navigate the twists and turns of the chronic pain journey. Join here: https://www.elenkryltsova.com/findingyourfeet