Heather Elizabeth Beauty

“You look so happy.”

And I am. Sometimes.

But what you don’t see are the moments that happen inside my head when the noise goes quiet.

The flashbacks.

The phone call.
The journey to the hospital.
The moment I found out my daughter had died.
Holding her.
Having to say goodbye.
Her funeral.
The days, weeks and months afterwards when life kept moving, even though mine had completely stopped.

People see me laughing. Working. Getting dressed. Going out. Living my life.

They see the person I am now.

They don’t always see the mum who is still carrying the worst pain imaginable.

Grief isn’t something you simply get over. You learn to live around it. You learn how to smile while your heart is breaking. You learn how to carry memories that can feel beautiful one minute and completely unbearable the next.

I can be happy and still be heartbroken.

I can laugh and still miss her.

I can look okay and still be struggling.

Both can exist at the same time.

I will carry my daughter with me for the rest of my life. And no matter how happy I may look on the outside, there will always be a part of me that wishes I could go back and change that day.

Because I didn’t just lose my daughter.

I lost the future I was supposed to have with her.

I never expected talking about Esme and my grief online would lead to so many conversations with people who are carrying their own loss.

Clients have opened up to me about their babies, their children and the people they’ve lost. Some conversations have lasted minutes, some have stayed with me long after they’ve left.

Grief has a way of finding people who understand it.

And if sharing a little of my story makes someone else feel safe enough to talk about theirs, then I’m okay with being open about it.

You never really know what someone is carrying behind the smile. 🤍

❤️

STOP TALKING PLEASE 🤣

My Rainbow babies 🌈

I’ll have to give it a miss… jokes I’m only Jealous because I can’t pull them off 🤣❤️

When they swear they’re never having a Hollywood again… then come back for round two 😂

Honestly, I knew you was lying.

Black Coral hot wax doing its thing — great grip on the hair, without being unnecessarily harsh on the skin.

See you again in 4 weeks then 👀