Relief from Grief

Looks about right

It's human nature to avoid pain.

In grief, pain is inevitable, and yet we have the capacity to make our way through even the most difficult days.

The reality is, the only way out of the pain is through the pain.

I know that sounds easier said than done.

Is there a time that you made it through struggle by facing it?

I've lived with grief a long time. Long enough to realize that some of the things I believed in the beginning weren’t true. Long enough to understand that grief doesn’t end, but our relationship with it can change.

Here are 7 things it took me twelve years to learn...

1. Not everyone is going to understand your grief.
And eventually, I stopped needing them to. Some people will understand because they’ve lived it. Others just can’t. I no longer feel the need to explain or defend how I grieve.

2. You’re allowed to protect your energy.
You don’t have to attend every gathering, answer every question or listen to every piece of well-meaning advice. Sometimes “not today” is enough.

3. You teach people how you want your grief treated.
If someone continually minimizes your loss, changes the subject when you mention their name or tells you it’s time to move on, you’re allowed to set boundaries.

4. Healing doesn’t mean becoming the person you were before.
For a long time, I thought healing meant somehow getting back to the old me. I eventually realized that person belonged to a life that no longer exists. I had to get to know the person I was becoming.

5. Some people will leave, and others will unexpectedly show up.
Grief has a strange way of rearranging your address book. People I thought would always be there disappeared. Others surprised me by walking beside me when I needed them most.

6. It’s okay to build a life you never planned.
Trying something new, laughing again, traveling, making new friends or discovering something that brings you joy doesn’t erase the person you lost. You can carry your love for them into whatever comes next.

7. You can miss someone terribly and still have a good life.
This may have been the hardest lesson of all. For a long time, those two things felt incompatible. Twelve years later, I know they aren’t. I can be grateful for the life I have while still wishing with everything in me that the person I lost were here to see it.

Twelve years hasn’t taught me how to stop grieving.
It’s taught me that I don’t have to.

I just had to learn how to carry the love, the loss, and the life I still have all at the same time.

Gary Sturgis
Author of: ‘SURVIVING GRIEF – 365 Days A Year’

So true

Those of us grieving aren't looking for advice.

We’re not asking to be fixed.
We’re not waiting for someone to tell us it's time to "move on."

We’re just hoping someone will listen.

When people try to rush our grief, it can feel like more weight’s been added to an already heavy heart.

But when someone sits with us, listens without judgment, and allows us to say their name, tell the story again, or just cry, something changes.

The grief doesn't disappear, but for a little while, we don't have to carry it alone.

Sometimes the most healing words are just…“I'm here. Tell me about them."

Gary Sturgis
Author of: ‘SURVIVING GRIEF – 365 Days A Year’

Two weeks to go