Thrive Well Therapy

Can we talk about this specific grief for a second.

You finally feel free. The rules that made you miserable don’t have a hold on you anymore. You’re becoming yourself for the first time.

And the people you love most are praying for your soul.

They’re not bad people. They genuinely care. That’s what makes it so disorienting.

If you’re holding that tension right now, you’re not alone.

I was apart from my husband for three months. When I finally saw him at the airport, he ran to me, he was excited, he wanted to reconnect. And I felt almost nothing. Not cold toward him. Not scared of closeness. Just not there yet. My nervous system hadn’t caught up to the moment.

For years I would have called that avoidance. It isn’t. There was no fear driving it, no anticipation of rejection, no shame spiral. It was just a nervous system that needed time to come online in a body that had spent three months calibrated to a different environment. The love was completely intact. The access to it just needed a minute.

If that’s ever been you, the label you’ve been carrying might be incomplete.

A lot of people who’ve been told they’re avoidant are actually autistic, or have nervous systems shaped by chronic stress, religious environments that taught them to suppress internal states, or years of masking what they actually feel. The problem was never their capacity for connection. It was a framework that pathologized a normal nervous system response.

If this resonates, I write and talk about this a lot. Follow along or share this with someone who needs to hear it.

Oh the joys of deconstruction. It’s difficult, unpredictable, painful, lonely, and beautiful. I’m happy for you and also crying for you nervously.

This isn’t a soft skill. The CT afferent nerve fibers in your skin literally signal safety to your brainstem when you receive gentle touch. Your own hand counts.

Some organizations spell out that if you walk away, you are losing your entire support system.

Some churches quietly shun you.

Whether you knew it was coming or not, the reality sets in that stepping away from your belief system means losing everyone who is still connected to it.

Your questions are too much for them and their faith cannot hold it. The grief is real, the distance is felt.

The connection was shakier than they let on. The love they said nothing could separate you from is lost.

The connection was built on common ground and common needs. It hurts more when you realize your sacrifices were the connection to the love you thought was real.

Most people avoid feelings because sitting with anxiety just feels like more anxiety.

But suppression isn’t the same as regulation, and your body knows the difference.

There’s an EMDR technique called Guided Light that helps you actually process what you’re feeling, starting with your body rather than your thoughts. It’s one of the tools I use regularly with clients who’ve spent years trying to think their way out of trauma responses.

If you’ve ever felt like “just feeling your feelings” was advice that made things worse, this one’s for you.

🎥 Watch the full video to learn how it works.

To anyone who already felt the disconnect but didn’t know they were allowed to trust it yet. Leaving isn’t failure. It’s just finally listening to the part of you that was always telling the truth.

Lies they tell you on the hiking trail that apply to real life too:

“It’s not that hard”
“We’re almost there”
“The worst part is over”
“It’s downhill from here”

And the lie you tell yourself…
“I’m never doing this again”

People underestimate trails.
And they underestimate processes.

They shorten distance.
You doubt endurance.

But continuing, especially when you’re sure you won’t, is the truth that matters.

You don’t have to decide anything today.
Just keep walking.

Nobody can get inside your head and see things through your eyes. That belongs to you.

The full video is on my long-form channel (link in bio).

If you have any connection to Bill Gothard or IBLP and this news is bringing things up for you, that reaction makes sense. News like this can stir old nervous system responses even years later. Be gentle with yourself today. You don’t have to have it figured out right now. Take care of yourself first.

Ways to engage in self care and calm your nervous system when feeling activated:

1. Box breathing or extended exhale breathing (exhale longer than inhale)
2. Cold water on your face or wrists
3. Humming, singing, or gargling (vagus nerve stimulation)
4. Walking outside, especially somewhere with trees or natural light
5. Weighted blanket or self-administered pressure (butterfly hug, self-hug)
6. Progressive muscle relaxation
7. Orienting exercise (naming 5 things you see, 4 you hear, etc.)
8. Gentle stretching or yoga, especially hip openers
9. Journaling, even just a brain dump with no structure
10. Listening to music with a slow, steady tempo
11. Limiting news and social media intake for a set window
12. Calling or texting someone who feels emotionally safe
13. Eating something and drinking water (regulation needs fuel)
14. Rocking, swaying, or any rhythmic movement
15. Time-limited rest, like lying down for 10 to 15 minutes without a task attached